25 Life Changing Wisdoms
Over the last week or so, I have learned many life lessons.
Beardo McBeardface (I have altered his name so that no one can tell who I am talking about... *ahem*) has, as of yesterday, become 'permanently attatched' to his woman. Some call it 'marriage', some call it 'siamese-twinism'. Ok no one calls it that, I just made it up because I'm still a bit drunk...
Anyway...
This major event in my friends' lives has shown me many important, and life changing things. So I thought I'd share these wisdoms with all of you, in the belief that it'll change and improve all of your lives, as they have mine.
So here they are - the 25 life changing wisdoms I have learned over the last week.
One: Girls with glasses and skimpy cop outfits are HOT.
Two: If a girl in a skimpy cop outfit approaches you and invites you to join her party, you don't spit the words "Are YOU actually inviting US to join YOUR PARTY?" because it sounds like "I wouldn't join YOUR party if it was the LAST PARTY ON EARTH!" and she will leave.
Three: If a female friend of yours is picked up against her will and you accidentally see her ass, feel free to tell her that you saw it. Perhaps even rub it in a little for your own amusement. She won't mind so much - she'll be too busy being embarrassed about it happening.
Four: If a girl is drunk and horny and she starts having pictures taken of her with complete strangers who are equally drunk and horny, she will inevitably begin taking off items of clothing.
Five: This will be awesome.
Six: If your car is used as the wedding car, it will become piled full of presents and you will have to leave it at the bride and groom's house.
Seven: Weddings tend to have a bar tab.
Eight: Bar tabs are the greatest thing known to man.
Nine: Ever.
Ten: Seriously. Free drinks. That's awesome.
Eleven: Bar men who know you and decide it's funny to make you incredibly strong cocktails which you aren't paying for are awesome.
Twelve: Seriously. Bar tabs.
13: Hot cops. Awesome.
14: If you decide not to plan what will happen AFTER you are all incredibly drunk, you will end up going and finding the drunkest people you know, and then you will NEVER DRINK AGAIN!
15: I really can't mention it too much. Bar tabs.
16: If you jump out of a plane with a parachute on, it will give you a frontal wedgie, and you will have very sore balls.
17: If you make it really obvious to a girl that you like her in a romantic fashion, she will make it clear whether or not she returns this feeling, and that will be awesome.
18: Unless she doesn't, but that's ok too because at least you've finished making a fool of yourself.
19: Being me is awesome sometimes.
20: Being me is balls sometimes.
21: Never ever mention to a girl that you are trying to ask another girl out in a text message, because you will inevitably be assaulted with tips and advice from EVERY GIRL THAT HEARS ABOUT IT, and you will end up exchanging numbers with someone called "Melissa the Kisser" who will want to know everything about how your date with other girl winds up.
22: This will be awesome.
23: If you get to number 23 of your life lessons post, you will still have more great stuff to post but you will have become bored and not want to bother anymore.
24: You will, however, feel compelled to add just one last time, that bar tabs are awesome.
25: And hot cops.
Beardo McBeardface (I have altered his name so that no one can tell who I am talking about... *ahem*) has, as of yesterday, become 'permanently attatched' to his woman. Some call it 'marriage', some call it 'siamese-twinism'. Ok no one calls it that, I just made it up because I'm still a bit drunk...
Anyway...
This major event in my friends' lives has shown me many important, and life changing things. So I thought I'd share these wisdoms with all of you, in the belief that it'll change and improve all of your lives, as they have mine.
So here they are - the 25 life changing wisdoms I have learned over the last week.
One: Girls with glasses and skimpy cop outfits are HOT.
Two: If a girl in a skimpy cop outfit approaches you and invites you to join her party, you don't spit the words "Are YOU actually inviting US to join YOUR PARTY?" because it sounds like "I wouldn't join YOUR party if it was the LAST PARTY ON EARTH!" and she will leave.
Three: If a female friend of yours is picked up against her will and you accidentally see her ass, feel free to tell her that you saw it. Perhaps even rub it in a little for your own amusement. She won't mind so much - she'll be too busy being embarrassed about it happening.
Four: If a girl is drunk and horny and she starts having pictures taken of her with complete strangers who are equally drunk and horny, she will inevitably begin taking off items of clothing.
Five: This will be awesome.
Six: If your car is used as the wedding car, it will become piled full of presents and you will have to leave it at the bride and groom's house.
Seven: Weddings tend to have a bar tab.
Eight: Bar tabs are the greatest thing known to man.
Nine: Ever.
Ten: Seriously. Free drinks. That's awesome.
Eleven: Bar men who know you and decide it's funny to make you incredibly strong cocktails which you aren't paying for are awesome.
Twelve: Seriously. Bar tabs.
13: Hot cops. Awesome.
14: If you decide not to plan what will happen AFTER you are all incredibly drunk, you will end up going and finding the drunkest people you know, and then you will NEVER DRINK AGAIN!
15: I really can't mention it too much. Bar tabs.
16: If you jump out of a plane with a parachute on, it will give you a frontal wedgie, and you will have very sore balls.
17: If you make it really obvious to a girl that you like her in a romantic fashion, she will make it clear whether or not she returns this feeling, and that will be awesome.
18: Unless she doesn't, but that's ok too because at least you've finished making a fool of yourself.
19: Being me is awesome sometimes.
20: Being me is balls sometimes.
21: Never ever mention to a girl that you are trying to ask another girl out in a text message, because you will inevitably be assaulted with tips and advice from EVERY GIRL THAT HEARS ABOUT IT, and you will end up exchanging numbers with someone called "Melissa the Kisser" who will want to know everything about how your date with other girl winds up.
22: This will be awesome.
23: If you get to number 23 of your life lessons post, you will still have more great stuff to post but you will have become bored and not want to bother anymore.
24: You will, however, feel compelled to add just one last time, that bar tabs are awesome.
25: And hot cops.
posted by Arithon @ 4:54 PM
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